Not that kind of segway.

So… I officially have a blog.
My place in the world has been pinpointed in html.
Cool.
I had a blog on MySpace but, as most of you know, thanks to Facebook MySpace doesn’t really count anymore. MySpace will continue to have a special place in my heart however, even if Facebook gives me more stuff to do and thus makes me feel like my procrastination is actually productive. Don't go looking for this MySpace page though. I had to dispose of it after a college friend found it and made fun of me for my high school ways. Molly Lewis warned me this would happen in her song "My Hope". I should have listened, Molly.
Anyway, to those of you who are following my html trail, I probably seem to disappear for months at a time. Yeah, I do that. Sorry. I'm a pretty terrible blogger. If it's any consolation, I'm a terrible journaler as well. I'm surprised my journal hasn't just broken up with me already.

SEGUE!

How is it that almost nine months later I still care that I’m single? Yeah, see, here's the thing. I kind of lied in the last post. Well, I didn't mean to lie. I was just having a good day. When you are having a good day, you don't care as much whether or not you have a boyfriend. Then you start thinking again and here comes the care. Here I am again, thinking.
Shouldn’t I be more excited that I just graduated (in December. Sorry that I didn't post anything. Yes, I know that Finals are no excuse. I said I'm sorry!), thus earning my second college degree? Yes, I am going to count my Associates as my first degree. Especially since I still have a Master's degree and Doctorate to earn (Oh yeah, another update. I started the Master’s program. I really suck at keeping you guys updated, huh?). I need to keep thinking that I have reached the halfway mark so I don’t just break down right here and now. I should also be excited that the job hunt proved successful (Yeah, I got a new job. One that required my college education. Yes... I know I should have told you. Listen, another story for another time. OK?). Job hunt. Doesn’t that makes looking for a job seem like… OK, I got nothing in the line of jokes about job hunts. Just know that in my mind's eye, I was bedecked in safari gear with a ridiculously large gun traversing the concrete jungle. Instead, I have turned to Google to help me find something funny to entice you. This particular joke is quite appropriate to how I feel right now.

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment, I took part in several night-time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a lieutenant fresh from jump school.
He was quiet and looked a bit pale, so I struck up a conversation. "Scared, lieutenant?" I asked.
He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive."
I asked, "What's the difference?"
He replied, "That means I'm scared, but with a university education."

So here I am, leaning over the edge of my metaphorical airplane, peeking down at big ole adulthood. From here, it a sprawling field strewn with suit jackets, dirty diapers, and stacks of paperwork. The suit jacket part is cool, but I don't really like the idea of free-falling into one. I must admit, I am more nervous than excited. I do not feel prepared for what is about to come my way. I have all the theories and all the fancy words, but do I have the guts? I had the guts to survive the interview, but do I have the guts to not only recognize my potential, but also realize it?
Oh shoot, it just got real. I have reached the point in my writing where now I am just going to ponder what the heck I am going to do with my life. Writer's block? No. I just don't have any good answers for you. I literally sat here for about 8 minutes trying to think of what to say next.
Look kids, from what I hear, we all have to "grow up" someday. Yeah, I don't like it either. Sometimes, I just want to eat pizza, watch a movie, and go to the park. No, I don't mean just for an evening. I mean, like, forever. That, however, is not a healthy way to live your life. I don't know how healthy it is to stay inside and fill out forms all day, but there has to be a middle ground.
So, here's the thing. I am going to jump out of this airplane. Yes, into the field of adulthood. Good job on keeping up with the metaphorical imagery, dudes. Hopefully, there are some pizzas and movies amongst all the paperwork down there. Ideally, not next to the dirty diapers.
Sorry, yeah, I went there.

Uptown Girl

Oh Billy Joel, how did you know that I’ve never had a Backstreet Guy? Considering there were only five of them and the half the girls in my age bracket were hoping for one (the other half were hoping to get in sync with another nonmusician), odds were against me anyway.
I've noticed that being single may not be seen as a necessarily positive thing for girls "my age". In fact, some regard it as a weakness. I still feel pretty strong right now. There is a term that my friends Angie, Kyle, and Sarah T use QUITE often. This term usually bugs me. I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it's just because of the excessive use. However, I feel it appropriately describes how I've felt as of late. I feel like very much like a “Bo$$”.
Let me explain myself.
I reigned victorious in the battle against an army of sugar ants that staged an attack on the apartment. They have retreated, and hopefully surrendered. I have Home Defense pest control and Terro in my arsenal, just in case.
I’m showing up to work early, if not on time, WITH homemade lunch in hand. I’m planning it just right so that I will just beat the traffic. Even if I do find myself in traffic, I leave with enough time to make allowances for such annoyances.
Back to that homemade food. We still do not have a microwave in this apartment, so I have been cooking all of my meals. Even when reheating meals, I have to warm them in the oven or on the stove. WHAT. That’s right. Just call me Laura Ingalls.
Let’s revisit the subject of the absent microwave. Microwaves are convenient for pre-made meals. Stoves are great for fresh food. Daily dose of fruits and veggies--> in my belly. I’m feeling extra healthy now that my food is so fresh and so clean.
Why I am talking in subtle Ebonics and pop cultural references? It’s the money signs I guess. They set me off.
I am also SUPER excited because I just finished doing laundry. Don’t make fun. Let me finish my thought. This is the first time in TWO YEARS that I have been able to do laundry for free! OK, it’s not really for free. I’m still paying for water and electricity and detergent… the point is that I am not paying out of pocket just to do my laundry! I used to have to drag my laundry home or to a friend’s house in order to have this luxury. New apartment, I’m falling in love with you all over again.
I also just made a super great playlist on my iTunes. I titled it “You Go Girl”. It’s still a work in progress, so if you have any ideas for songs that MUST be added, just let me know!
I feel super confident right now. This NEVER happens. I keep getting tempted to think about all the reasons I shouldn’t be confident. I’m not letting myself second-guess myself. Just for once, I’m going to feel like a Bo$$.
I’m not going to think about money. I’m not going to think about my lack of a significant other (ugh, what a term). I’m not going to think about pressure from family, work, or school. I’m not going to think about how I’m still not totally unpacked. I’m not going to feel guilty for watching two movies in one day. In fact, I’ll feel great about it because they were library movies. I became more cultured… for free.
Today, I’m just going to be confident.


"You Go Girl" Playlist thus far:
"Uptown Girl" by Bill Joel
"Three Times A Lady" by Lionel Richie
"More Than A Woman" Bee Gees
"The Lady Is A Tramp" by Frank Sinatra
"Miss Independent" by Kelly Clarkson
"Survivor" by Destiny's Child
"Hand In My Pocket" by Alanis Morissette
"She's Always A Woman" by Billy Joel
"That's A Woman" by Celtic Thunder
"When A Man Loves A Woman" by Percy Sledge
"Who Is This Woman?" by Paul Wright
"Respect" by Aretha Franklin
"You Don't Own Me" by Leslie Gore
"I Am Changing" by Jennifer Holliday
"Man! I Feel Like A Woman!" by Shania Twain
"Miss Independent" by Ne-Yo
"Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler
"You Raise Me Up" by Celtic Thunder (her voice is glorious)
"Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)" by Mika
"Daddy's Little Girl" by The Mills Brothers
"Girls Just Want To Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper
"That Kinda Girl" by dcTalk
"I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor
"Big, Blonde, and Beautiful" by Queen Latifah

Entry numero dos

I’m sitting in my new living room sipping my peach/mango V8 juice (gotta get those fruits and veggies, yo) and writing my next blog to you. I am also trying to relax. This is about the only multi-tasking I want to engage in right now. It has been an eventful and exciting week. I learned a new word: prorate. Did you know that you don’t have to be charged the entire month’s rent if you don’t move in on the first day of the month? Yes, this is entirely logical. I didn’t know there was a term for it though. I saved about $270 just because of this wonderful new word. Oh prorate. Thank you, my dear father, for teaching me this word and empowering me to use it in a sentence.
For any of you that have ventured outside your parent’s home and the safety net of the college dorm, you will understand what I am about to say. Living on your own is not easy. I don’t think I even fully appreciate that yet. Traffic is a pain. Food is scarce. Money is a constant concern. Oh, and did I mention that it’s only been three days? I am NOT complaining. I am in awe. How do people do this every day? I am beginning to see why adults are so stressed out. They have so much to juggle. There is so much to do just to live. It’s been fun, but quite demanding. I know this all takes getting used to. I just have to form the habit and get in the groove. Any more clichés I can encourage myself with? No really though, I know this all gets easier with time. I just hope time doesn’t take its time with me.
Even though food is scarce and money is scarcer, I felt as though the right thing to do in order to thank and reward my family for triple-handedly moving me into my new apartment (while I was at work, don’t get any ideas about me being a lazy/spoiled bum) was to treat them to a nice dinner. Moving two couches, two tables, eight chairs, a bed, a dresser, a TV, and who knows how many boxes into this place can really work up an appetite. In order to pay for this, I had to transfer money to my checking account. To do this, I had to go online. *Hold on, I’m getting to the point* To get online, I had to borrow the wifi off some unsuspecting neighbor. Now, I really don’t like doing this. First of all, why steal what you already have? This is also one of my lines of thought behind not cheating on the person you are with (just a fun fact for ya). Second of all, the words “unsecured network” are not comforting when accessing your bank account online. I get a little worried when I see that little warning box that says: “Oh hey, by the way, other people will probably be able to see what you’re doing on your computer when you’re hooked up to this network. Just so you know. K, bye”. Well, you get the drift. I am quite happy to announce that my wireless router was perched on my doorstep when I came home. I welcomed it inside, sat it on the table, and smiled at it. I’m going to set up its space later so I can post this bloggy blog for you to read. Back to dinner. It was fairly uneventful. It was your average nice dinner with the family. I felt special being able to buy something nice for them after they were able to do something so nice for me. It wasn’t an even trade, but it was something. After dinner, we went to Publix to buy dessert. My parents ended up also buying me “just a few things you absolutely need”. They overwhelm me. I know I’m short on cash, but sometimes I feel undeserving of their kindness. They fill up my gas tank when they borrow my car. They buy me food whenever they’re in town. They slip cash into my wallet. They make calls for me when I’m at work. They’re just good people.
My family is teaching me how I should be. Their kindness inspires me. They make me want to be like them. I want to be that same kind of excellent person. It wasn’t much, but I helped a friend move into her place yesterday. It’s a small start in paying it forward. I’m beginning to form a theory. People are so upset and lonely because we haven’t learned to share. We don’t return favors. You don’t have to necessarily always return the same kind of favor to the same person. Then it just becomes a contest of who paid who back. We need to pass kindness on. When we receive kindness, we give it out. Even if we don’t receive kindness, we should still be kind. The chain needs to start somewhere. Have it start with you.
Well, the rabbit enticed me down his hole again. My tendency to digress concurrently increases with the level of my exhaustion. In other words, there is a positive correlation. As you can see, I am trying to get back in the habit of talking like a Senior-level Psychology student. I have also been watching “Big Bang Theory”, so my inner nerd is coming out to play.
I am watching to sun set as I sit on my new-to-me leather couch. I just noticed that I’m not playing music. I must admit, the stillness is a peaceful kind of quiet. I should leave the music off more often. I have no song to leave you with this time (see previous sentence as to why not), but I’m sure you will cope. I should really unpack some more boxes. Fun.
Thanks for peeking in my brain. Excuse the clutter. Visit again soon!

Yeah, I'm actually posting something new.

Considering I have not blogged in at least two years, it’s about time I started back up again. I feel this is especially timely (and necessary) because the only posts I’ve given you have been things I wrote in the past and just happened to put up on my blog. That’s not fair.
My friend Sarah T is especially pushing me to begin again, so I must appease her.
I am beginning a new phase of my life: apartment living. That’s right, I’m officially “off on my own”. Of course, I still have roommates, but I’ve broken out of the livin’-with-the-folks and dorm-life phases. Now I’m on the 5th floor of the cutest little apartment I’ve ever seen. Maybe I suffering from the same thing new parents do. I think it’s so darn cute just because it’s mine. I don’t care, I love it.
Last night, what will be known as the first night of my new life, I texted a couple close friends (because I couldn’t figure out how to find my wireless connection) to share the big news. Some even shared big news in return. It was lovely. It was fun to just unpack boxes and pace around my almost completely dark home chatting on the phone. Oh, did I mention? I have no overhead lighting in this house. We have it in the kitchen, hallway, bathroom(s), and closet. That’s it. Also, the lamps that my parents so sweetly bought for me proved to be of no use because the light bulbs were left at the store. No matter. I have no pesky furniture to jump out at my shins in the dark yet.
My night was fairly uneventful. I have no hilarious stories of lizards jumping out of boxes at me or anything of that nature.
First order of business now that my kitchen is unpacked: breakfast. Since my refrigerator cupboards are nearly empty, buttermilk pancakes seem to be the best bet. However, I only have brown sugar. I feel the creative juices being to flow.
More on creative juices (and this super cute apartment of mine) later.
Now we’re talkin’ pancakes. My aforementioned friend Sarah and I recently made the most divine cupcakes with lemon, brown sugar, and cinnamon. I wanted to recreate that flavor in my pancakes. I still had lemon juice, buttermilk and cinnamon left over. This seemed like a perfect plan. The only thing I didn’t have was baking soda. These pancakes are pretty dense as a result, but so YUMMY. I topped them with powered sugar and cinnamon. When I finish this entry, I’m calling up Mr. Webster and we’ll be discussing the new definition of “delightful”.
So here I am, with a warm tummy, happy heart, excited attitude, half a sink-full of dishes, and enough pancakes for my roommates yet to arrive. Oh, and no microwave. I’ll be cooking it old school for the next couple of days. YES.
“All Good Things” by The Weepies just played on my iTunes. How fitting. For all of you about to live in the dorms, I wish you well. My time there is through. I loved and learned during my time there, but I’m anticipating this new love of my life. Its name is… well, I’m not quite sure yet. I’ll come up with something witty and appropriate later. If you have any suggestions, add them in a comment. :)

"You are a garbage truck."

Here's a post from my Myspace blog that I just felt like sharing:

Thursday, May 08, 2008
So, I was talking with some friends last week, which is something I like to do.
Let's just say it was more like venting to the 3rd degree. Maybe even 4th or 5th.
Then, my friend Tamara says one of the most profound things I've ever heard, let alone coming from a 14 year old.
"Kimi, you are a garbage truck."
I make a face and say "Thanks Tamara. You could have just told me I smell bad."
She continues: "Wait, let me finish" as we are all cracking up.
"People in life are one of two things. They are either a garbage can, or a garbage truck. People get filled up with all sorts of trash, and they have to get rid of it. So they put themselves out by the curb and wait for the garbage truck to come by and let them empty all their trash into it. The garbage truck then proceeds to let itself get filled up with trash so it can take it all away."
"To the landfill, right?", I answer (still with a somewhat sarcastic tone).
"No, of course not. To the incinerator. God is the incinerator. He doesn't just let all of our pain and trash stockpile. He burns it all up until it doesn't even exist anymore. Until it is nothing but ash. He then promises to make beauty from our ashes."*
"Wow."
"Kimi, you've been trying too long to just be a garbage can. You were designed to be a garbage truck. You are letting all this trash get dumped in you, and you are keeping it. You're not taking it anywhere. When you do try to take it, you can't, because you are so full that you can't even move anymore. You can't even function as you were meant to. Stop trying to be a garbage can when you are meant to be a garbage truck..."

I don't know who of you reading this can relate to this little story, but for those of you who can, I'm talking to you. Really, God is talking to you through this illustration that has quite literally changed my life.
It's a known fact that life gives us all sorts of trash, whatever that may be in your life. Frustration, pain, abuse, loneliness... this list goes on and on, and it could be anything. We keep all this inside of us. We try to get rid of it, or hide it or mask it, or try to convince ourselves it will just go way, but it doesn't. All the things we do to try to mask our trash just fills us up with even more. We overflow. People start to see the trash we've been trying to hide. So, we finally take ourselves out to the curb, and trust someone enough to dump our trash into them. It's what they are there for. They want to do it because they care.
Now a garbage truck will realize that is not only its job, it's their purpose. They were created to take away trash. To bear a burden. They were not created to keep it. Their purpose to to take the trash from one location to another. Too many times garbage trucks try to keep the trash all to themselves because they don't want to burden anyone else, they don't want anyone to think they are weak and can't handle the load. They don't want to admit that there is a problem. There is a problem with keeping trash. It starts to stink. It mutates. It stockpiles. It overtakes your entire life. You can't think straight, you can't go anywhere or do anything because this stinking pile of trash is all you see, it's all you can think about. You never took it to the incinerator, which is where it truly belongs. You haven't gone to the final location.
God wants our trash. He wants to burn it up so it can stop hurting us. He wants us to breathe easier and see clearer and feel the hope of cleanliness. He knows that we are going to keep getting filled, and that's why He wants us to keep coming to Him to dump it all out. To cast our cares upon Him.
So whether you are a garbage can or a garbage truck, realize your purpose.
If you have no one to dump your stresses into, find someone you can trust. Find someone who cares for you and wants to help you and wants to help you get rid of all your trash. Make sure they are someone who will take it all to God and not keep it themselves.
If you have people confiding in you, if people seem to constantly come to you, and you feel overwhelmed, don't forget to take it all to the ultimate location: God. Give it all to him. Not just your worries and concerns and problems, but others' as well. He wants to take it ALL away and relieve you of all your burdens.
God loves garbage cans and garbage trucks equally. When you find out which one you are, be proud of it, and don't forget to go to God.


*Isaiah 61:1-4

I Peter 5:6-8
6Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.